Ronan
by prettylittleliars39464
Summary: I don't really know what to say here... all in Spencers P.O,V. It's a one-shot about Hanna and Caleb's son, and his death. It's mostly Spencer's feelings and memories about him. Songfic. R&R please!


_**A/N: So this is all in Spencer's P.O.V. It's based of the song 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift. I love that song so much, and had this idea, so I made it. I suggest listening to the song one day. R&R please.**_

_**XOXOXOXOXO**_

_**I remember your bare feet down the hallway  
I remember your little laugh  
Race cars on the kitchen floor, plastic dinosaurs  
I love you to the moon and back.**_

We all loved him more than life. He had bright blue eyes like his mothers, and dark hair like his father. A bubbly personality like his mom, and was already growing into his smarts like his father. Even at the age of four, he was full of life, but we all knew that things wouldn't stay that way.

He was sick. Days spent in the hospital didn't go to waste, though. We enjoyed the every moment with him. Memories are all carved in my brain of him dancing around with his us. Playing around, jumping on our backs and when he would come into my bedroom during one of our 'sleepovers' because he had a nightmare. I remember when he was born. They had to keep him in the hospital for a while after due to some issues, and sickness. They released him soon after, and we all took care of him. He was my nephew. Same with Toby, Aria, Emily, Ezra and Paige. Clay and James took a liking to him, and even Kate. But she didn't see him much.

_**I remember your blue eyes looking into mine  
Like we had our own secret club  
I remember you dancing before bed time  
Then jumping on me, waking me up.**_

He fought his disease with his little but special heart. When he got scared he would latch onto my hand, scoot in to my lap and wrap his soft and fragile arms around me, burying his head into my neck. He would do that to all of us, and we would hold him tight. We knew the future that was to come, and the only thing that kept us going everyday was the fact that he was so strong. That we could hold him every day and just see him. The fact that we could at least hold his hand got me up every day. He was the most special little boy I'd ever met. That's still a fact today. But it's not the same anymore. All we have left of him are the pictures. The memories that we cherish but fade slowly, like him. The way he grew weaker with each passing day still found the strength to hold onto us.

Now, the memories continue to fade, but the wound is still wide open. The pain every day. The feeling of waking up, and wondering, 'what do I have to get up too?' It's not like we would get to see him, hold him, play hide-and-go seek with him. We wouldn't get to talk to him. We would only be able to remember the hard times. The pain of when we lost him.

_**I can still feel you hold my hand, little man  
And even the moment I knew  
You fought it hard like an army guy  
Remember I leaned in and whispered to you**_ _**  
**_

_**Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here  
You were my best four years**_

I remember, too, the call. The phone call from when Toby and I were driving to the hospital which had recently turned into a bit of a home for him. To all of us who visited him every day. But we drove there to see the beautiful little sick boy we called our nephew. The rain hit the windshield and top of the truck with some effort, causing tiny ripples of_ 'thud' _to echo in the small space as we drove. But those rain drops we no compare to the tears we shed after the call. I picked up and Toby drove. When he noticed my shocked expression and sobs he pulled over. He knew what happened.

I don't remember seeing anything. Just feeling the pain of losing him. Losing a big part of my life. Toby had wrapped his arms around me in a sign of comfort and loss, but it just hurt me more. Reminders of the boy who was now gone. The boy who just did the same action of wrapping his arms around me a mere 6 hours ago. I couldn't imagine what Hanna and Caleb felt. I thought no pain could get any worse than mine until I thought of them. How they felt. Who they lost. He may have been a nephew to the rest of us, but to them, it was a son. Their son.

_**I remember the drive home  
When the blind hope turned to crying and screaming "Why?"**_

The funeral was excrusiating pain and memories playing out, living all over again. Playing a beautiful life all over, yet also lying in a casket. Everyone was extremely distraught. No one spoke any word until we made the speeches. Emily, Aria and I went up together. Crying had become a habit for all of us. Most of our 'speech' was sobs that escaped our tight throats, causing more tears to fall, more memories to blossom, more thoughts of him. All the time we spent with him, all the time with him we cherished made it harder. Hurt us more to think of because it was a constant reminder of what a special person we lost. But I wouldn't give up any of that time. I wouldn't give up any of that pain, no matter how much it hurt. I needed to hold onto those memories. I refused to let them fade. Not like him. I couldn't lose any more of him.

_**Flowers pile up in the worst way, no one knows what to say  
About a beautiful boy who died.**_

He used to dress up. A lot. Whether it was as a pirate or a ninja, it brought us all so much joy, so much energy and laughs. His dreams changed within a matter of seconds. He would tell us, "When I grow up, I wanna be a doctor!" Then a little while later, he would announce, "I'm gonna be a chef!" Even knowing he didn't have much of a future, him saying those things gave us hope. Like maybe it really was a fact he would grow up and become something. Maybe we really wouldn't lose him, and he would have and live a life as full as him. It's almost funny, in a sense. Us grown-ups, relying on a 4 year old, looking answers, and futures in him. He only celebrated Halloween twice. The first time his parents dressed him up as a pumpkin. The second he was an army guy. A coincidence, in my opinion, about how much that reflected on him. How strong he is. After all the candy and dressing up he got to do, he immediately declared Halloween his favorite holiday.

I remember the last time I saw him was 6 hours before he passed. Toby was gathering our things in the hospital room, bidding our goodbyes to Hanna and Caleb. I kissed his cheek and looked at his perfect little round and bright face. I ruffled his short and slightly spiky dark hair as he sat up. I took him in my arms and held him tighter than ever, and for some reason, I had a strange urge to not let go. I held him  
for a while and gave him my best smile when we pulled away.

_**And it's about to be Halloween  
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here**_

_**I remember the last day when I kissed your face  
And whispered in your ear **_

He always told me he wanted to fly. I remember the airplane ride we took. All of us. Toby, Emily, Aria, Ezra, Paige, Hanna, Caleb, and Ashely. Ted, who was now engaged to Ashley, came too. We were flying out to Disney Land for a little vacation. I remember when we up in the air, He turned around in the seat he was in a said to me, "I wanna fly one day! I love being in the air!" I smiled and told him he could do anything. I told him that we could fly together, too. In Disney Land, when we were all up on the Dumbo ride, and I saw him sitting with his mom and dad, he looked so ecstatic. So I always told him we would fly away together_**. **_I picked him up and spun him around. His little laugh and giggles had become my favorite sound.

_**Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here  
Out of this curtained room in this hospital grey, we'll just disappear  
Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here  
You were my best four years.**_

Hide-and-go seek was his favorite game to play. I always played it with him. He would run around and hide, and I would pretend not to find him. Whenever I did catch him I would pick him up and spin him around and kiss his forehead. I would hide in the closet, and yell come and catch me. But now a days, his closet is a sad and hollow place. His clothes that Clay and James passed down to him through Caleb. Thinking back I realized how ridiculous it really was. How ridiculous_ I_ really was. I prayed every day for some kind of miracle, or miraculous discovery on how to cure him to happen. Praying really wouldn't do much. It just helped keep us sane, sometimes. But now all my prayers are to just see him again. To hold his hand again. To hold him, or hear him giggle. To see what he dresses up as, or to pick him up and let him fly.

_**What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you?  
What if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into?  
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?  
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?**_

Memories mean more to me now than anything. It's the only piece of him I have left. The only piece of my sanity I have left. I don't go out more than 5 times a week. I can't even find it in myself to visit Hanna anymore. How selfish of me, I know. But it'll hurt me more to see such a strong connection to him. It'll hurt her, too. I'll just remind her off how shut off she is. How isolated she made herself. Even 6 months after he died, she only leaves her house once or twice a week, if at all. It'll remind her of how it's affected all of us.__

_**Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here  
Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here  
You were my best four years**_

I would just start crying If I see her, because I can't find it in me to be strong anymore. I can't find it in me to fight for anyone anymore but myself. I see the other 2 girls about once or twice a month. But I can never be strong. I can't push though it like him. I could never be as strong, or fight as hard as him.

Never like him.

Not like Ronan._****_

I remember your bare feet down the hallway  
I love you to the moon and back.


End file.
